Hunting The Snark

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CQB.* 5/23/2006

Today’s ride in was a bit adrenaline pumping. For some reason, the drivers on the road this morning were clueless about the road rules during morning rush hour. These road rules are something all the morning road users, cars and bikes alike, take for granted, although they are unwritten.

The basic way it works is this. Cars stay in their lane. And cars will leave sufficient space for bikes to lane split. In return, bikes will occassionally “hold up” traffic, to allow cars on a stuck lane to merge. A symbiotic relationship, which lets everyone come out smiling. During morning rush hour, all drivers change lanes at their own risk, especially if they don’t use mirrors properly. Quick and sharp lane changes, ala Formula One grid takeoffs, are not tolerated. A bike lane splitting can cause an inordinate amount of damage to a car, not to mention what it will do to the rider.

So, in the interests of survival, and everyone getting to work on time, all the road users abide by a certain, well, for want of a better word, code of behaviour. Except that are certain drivers who think that they own the road. Like a certain cretin this morning, who excuted a sharp lane change, with no turn signals, while playing with his mobile phone. I braked hard to avoid running into his arse, and honked loud and long. And the bastard just ignored me. So I came up alongside, and thumped on his window, which got his attention.

He looked at me with a dumb fucked look on his face, and I gestured that he should use his mirrors and signals in the future. And he flipped me the bird. So I cut him, in the middle of rush hour, and parked my bike in front of him. Road rage? Not quite. What I knew, and he didn’t, was that there was a traffic cop on a bike, several car lengths behind. As the cop came up, he naturally pulled to stop alongside me, and asked me what was happening. So I told him this idiot was using his mobile phone, which is against the law here, and driving without due care and attention.

The cop was about to tell me to ignore this guy, and ride off, when I pulled off my helmet. He took one look at my face, pulled his bike over, and asked the driver to move over to the side, while taking out his citation book. The driver’s dumb fucked look got even more dumb fucked, and he had no choice but to follow the cop’s instructions.

Satisfied, I shouted a “thanks” to the officer, and he gestured at me with a “drinking” motion. I nodded, and yelled that I would catch up with him at a later date.

It’s nice when people remember you from the old days, and do you favours.

* CQB is an acronym for “Close Quarters Battle”. This is the combat, usually performed by Special Forces or special teams within the police force, for clearing out an urban environment, i.e. houses and buildings. Sometimes, but not always, a hostage situation, CQB is much glamourised by Hollywood, because it is fast paced, and lots of things happen in a very short space of time. It might make for good television (the Iranian Embassy in 1980 is a good example), but 99% of professionals will tell you that CQB sucks donkey balls, big time. Because you have an almost even chance of getting your head blown off. Too many variables and surprises in urban combat. So to all the wannabes out there, who fantasise about carrying a H&K MP10, and being in CQB, all I can say is, come try it for real. Paintball doesn’t even come close. You know why? Because you don’t die.

• Posted in : On the road
• Author : thesnark

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