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Nightmares and Dreamscapes. 3/14/2007

Last night, I was feeling very sleepy.  I crawled into bed, feeling a little out of sorts with myself. Maybe the goat had something to do with it.  I couldn’t seem to find a comfortable position to sleep in.  I was wondering if it might be the insomnia again, and was thinking about getting out of bed, and taking a long ride in the midnight darkness, when quite suddenly, I drifted off.

And then I had a nightmare.

It scared me a little, this dream I had.  From what I remember of it, I went hunting.

Not even my usual weapon.  But it sufficed for my purposes.  I tracked them down, one by one.  And I killed them all, a few of them fairly slowly and painfully.  I woke up, shuddering and sweating.  It was irrational, illogical and didn’t make any sense.  What’s in the past, should stay in the past.  Although sometimes it surfaces, bubbling up through the oil slick of my psyche.  The dream was real enough that I could taste the cordite, smell the fear.

This is when I hate myself.  Because the really scary thing is, I know what I’m capable of, and what happened in my nightmare is a thing I can very, very easily do.

Comments»

1. ziniac - 3/15/2007

I’ve been reading through your blog for three days straight, and could not help to notice that you have had some scary nightmares.

It’s kind of interesting, because in each post you relate them to your past.

Is it possible, by any chance, that you’d share with a 19 (going 20) dude your history?

Hahaha, not by a long shot I suppose.

I hope to meet you one day, along with other respected riders, from the club you always hang out with.

I dont think I’m allowed to post that, either.

And what’s your real name?

2. The Snark - 3/15/2007

Ziniac : 3 days? Dude, you need to get a life :P

It’s called P.T.S.D. Some of my readers who are bloggers and bikers will know what that means, zip through my blogroll and have a look. As for sharing my past, not going to happen. Only one person reading this blog knows everything, and she isn’t going to share. But there are snippets here and there.

Nope, you’re not allowed to post that. Notice the lack of a link back.

My real name? You’d have to marry me to find out. Oh, and everyone else who’s met me in real life and think they know my real name? That ain’t it :)

3. YP - 3/15/2007

snark, looks like u’ve got a fan.

4. ziniac - 3/16/2007

P.T.S.D?

Nope, I need to get a bike! Hehehe…

Hmmm… well, I think “a fan” do have a right to know your real name, or at least a bit of it right?

5. bikerwannabe - 3/21/2007

Ziniac: his real name is Harry….

6. O - 3/21/2007

Harry or Hairy?

Seriously though he told me it was Percival…