Traffic trauma continued. 6/19/2007
So anyway, it’s been a month of driving this big diesel daily, through the madness that is city traffic. And due to public perception, and staff expectations of how someone in my specific corporate position is supposed to dress and behave, I am forced to wear the monkey suit, and drive in to work. Which sucketh donkey dick. Big time.
Driving in, I noticed something which KY summed up quite nicely. What he said to me over a tumbler of Jack Daniel’s was this. “Women are really brave drivers. Because they are oblivious.”
I laughed when he said this because it was true. On the drive in daily, the biggest thing on the road is me, or rather, the diesel I’m driving. The only things bigger than I am are the buses and various lorries. I noticed that the diesel is actually slightly wider than even a Range Rover. Sitting way above traffic, stuck in the line of cars, I have a pretty good view ahead of me.
Because the diesel is a diesel, she isn’t all that quick off the line, although the grunt of the engine makes roll -ons absolutely no contest. When the diesel is moving, in top gear, all I have to do is goose the throttle, and she will absolutely rocket forward. This is great in the shuffle-stop that is rush hour traffic. I keep the gearbox in third, creeping along slowly, and then tap the accelerator whenever I need to move forward, using just enough clutch to keep the engine from bogging down. Which it doesn’t usually, because I’ve actually rolled her on in top gear from 1,100 r.p.m and she didn’t even stumble.
And sitting in the traffic, because the diesel’s rather slow take off, there’s usually a gap between the diesel, and the car in front. Not much of one, but a gap nonetheless. And the temptation for the driver in the adjoining lane to cut in is high. I have begun to notice something during my daily drive. When a male driver sees the gap, he will check his mirrors. He realises that his mirror is filled with giant truck, and immediately exercises discretion, and doesn’t pull out.
Women drivers, on the other hand, see the diesel in the mirrors, and pull out anyway. They are completely oblivious of the fact that the diesel tips the scales at a deuce and a half, and that stopping the diesel once it gets going takes a bit of effort. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve had to brake very sharply to avoid melding the front of the diesel with the back of some matchbox on wheels driven by some random office lady who thinks she’s invincible just because she actually remembered to put her turn signal on before changing lanes and cutting into my path.
I wouldn’t mind it so much if the gap was wide enough to allow a smooth lane change, and for the car to merge properly into the traffic, but sometimes, the gap is just barely wide enough for the matchbox, say 15 feet or so.
One of these days, I’m going to be daydreaming, or getting caught up on the music coming over the headphones, or just unable to react in time, and the diesel is going to be wearing some woman’s dinky little car as a hood ornament.
- Posted in : On the road
- Author : thesnark
Comments»
Well, if they seriously believe the laws of physics have been repealed, in THEIR favor, you can embed your grill in their backside for all of me.
I drove an F150 for years, and it was cute, and pretty and all that (all that curvy sheetmetal on a stepside). And at 4 ways stops, the women just failed to pay any attention to the fact THAT I HAD STOPPED FIRST. So I just started to go on my turn, even if they did not look like they were paying attention, and my truck had a special order lower axle ratio than usual so it would just get across the intersection while they were just deciding to think about moving. I scared the whey out of more than one woman like that. I have noticed that they DO YIELD to concrete trucks and to buses, and so they do have SOME sense of preservation.
It’s interesting, when they say “I did not see you!”, they really mean “I did not percieve that I was in any DANGER from your little motorcycle”
And most cops just eat it up, and let them go.
Take them out…
On the other hand there are male drivers who try to illegally merge into turn offs (so as to avoid whatever ‘queue’ there is), and who get hyper aggressive if you do not let them in.
Or the male drivers who take GREAT pleasure in not following merge / roundabout rules and give you smug grins and third fingers when they push into the couple of inches leeway between you and the car in front (oh look at me, I’m so clever I can get 1 car further ahead than is polite - LOOK MY PENIS GREW A WHOLE INCH BECAUSE I’M SUCH A MACHO MAN).
Or there’s the little ego dicks on motorbikes who get pissed off if cars do not give them way so they can keep going at 60km/hour lane splitting during traffic jams - and then they beat up your car as they squeeze past.
Or there’s the penis heads who drive up your ass for no good reason. Closely related to the boobless wonders who cross 3 lanes 5 times in semi-heavy traffic at 160 km/hour causing everyone else to have to brake suddenly / swerve in order to avoid their stupid souped up cars.
Just saying… stupidity or oblivious driving is not restricted to one particular sex.
What do u expect? Most of the ladies driver are like that. They expect u to give way. BTW I am most curious what truck u r driving? Have a nice day.
Snark / IB: …like the saying goes
\”anyone driving faster than you is a crazy idiot. Anyone driving slower than you is a stupid idiot.\”
Can\’t win….
And anyone driving a smailler vehicle than you are is both suicidal and a prospective road pizza.
best part is, on a road that’s not jammed up, these bitches cut into your path, but don’t bother bringing up the pace to match the entire lane of irritated vehicles, instead preferring to just crawl along at 20km/h or something.
hey u dont think they sell bull bars just in case you might hit a bull do u? bull bars are designed to leave a nice impression on the rear of the stupid who pulls into your braking space… the bigger the bull bar.. the less likely u have stupids taking your brkaing space…
VOILA IB
Most dicks behave all the same on the road with little brains!